Pray for Light
by snapsforsnape
Summary: Often labeled the "Prince of Darkness," Severus Snape searches for light. In light there is truth and hope. In darkness their is pain and grief. A look through Snape's thoughts as he forced to renew his vow to Lord Voldemort


A/N: Just a little one-shot. I tried to get this posted for Katy, but was a fail at around 4 this afternoon. Dedicated to Katy for her continued support and encouragement! 3 I would love to hear everyone's thoughts. Even just a one-worded review makes my day! Constructive criticism is welcome.

BTW: The italics are Snape's inner thoughts

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I am a seeker of darkness, yet I fear it all the same. I used to wait anxiously for day to give way to night. No longer can I say that. Along with night come endless horrors, both real and psychological. I quiver at the prospect of my mark flaring as soon as the moon rises. The Dark Lord has never been one for gatherings in the daylight. Night means revels, killing, pain and I am an advocate of none.

Contrary to popular belief, my quarters are alight with candles. Long ago, one would have to search long and hard to find a source of light in my dungeons. But now, I hold the flames close; they are a talisman against what will surely occur later in the night.

Whether it is the Dark Lord or the manifestations of a mind that has been through much, the night brings little peace. I shrink in terror for the long duration, as the candles cast formless shadows. Past victims creep up on me, entwining their souls within mine.

Tonight it is the Dark Lord who will round out my evening's events. I feel the Dark Mark flaring to life, the snake and skull two separate entities with which to torture me further. The snake to taunt. And the skull to evoke terror.

My Death Eater garments are on in a second's time. I whip on my travel cloak, effectively snuffing out the numerous candles. At first they flicker, then die completely as I am thrust into complete blackness. Still, ever so still, I hear the erratic thumping of my heart, beating in time with the wind gathering strength as it thrashes against the castle's walls.

A walk to the apparation border turns into a stride, and then a jog, and then a run as I dash between the raindrops threatening to multiply. I can't help but make a wild analogy. These raindrops are my tears. Tears I have not the strength to succumb to, nor the will to submit to. It pours in buckets and the weight upon my shoulders increases ten fold.

And as suddenly as it started, the rain disappears in the wake of apparating. A roof forms solidly over my head and I lower my eyes to the ground, immediately kneeling upon the wooden floor.

I am ashamed when I bow and scrape for a Lord I no longer bare allegiance to. His arrogance leads him to believe my lowered gaze is out of respect, not humiliation.

My gaze travels upward, at last meeting his fiery coal eyes- those eyes that appreciate the destruction of humanity and actions of cruelty.

Never tearing his eyes away from mine, he speaks and I shudder at the thought of what will come out those bloodless lips.

"You are here Severus to renew the vows you made many years ago."

I nod, my mouth too dry to speak.

"Rise, and I shall bear witness to your continued commitment"

I rose seemingly tall and proud, while inside I quaked with anticipation.

"Do you Severus Snape swear allegiance to the Dark Lord and his attempt to create a pure wizarding race?"

_No. A thousand times no. _

" I do."

"And do you reject the Order and all their empty promises?"

_You showed me empty promises. You who promised me everything and gave me nothing. _

" I do."

"Do you promise to put your life on the line for our cause?"

_Haven't I already?_

"I do."

"And lastly, do you swear your life, your soul, your entire being to me?"

_If only I could deny, protest this vehemently. _

"I do."

The guillotine had fallen, and my head bowed down. The Dark Lord smiled.

Taking the opportunity to put myself in his favor I spoke, "I am forever an instrument of your greater purposes. Always and forever I am yours."

It was the truth, though I would always try to see it as a thinly veiled lie. If anything, it made me feel slightly better about the state of my soul.

His inhuman voice that grated on my nerves said one last thing before I left. "I have faith in you Severus. It is in your best interest to exceed my expectations."

I bowed before responding, "Always my Lord." Then I left, free to think about the consequences of my pledge.

I knew the vow would bring no harm to me should I break it. The whole meeting was designed to catch me unaware, see if I would hesitate. Of course, I didn't.

On my way back to the dungeons I bumped into the headmaster. His eyes filled with carefully controlled concern tried to question me.

I shook my head indicating that I was not harmed.

He tilted his head, "Do you think you can continue on this path?"

_No_

"I do"


End file.
